My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
