i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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