also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
