So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
