don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
