Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
