What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
