I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
