My friends, they love my intelligence
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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