I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
