So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
