You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I faked an abortion last night.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
