4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
