I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
