Reggie can tackle my bush.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
