Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
