Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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