to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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