god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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