p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
