I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
