It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
