He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
