maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
