How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
