don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
