I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
