Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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