do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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