I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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