I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
