oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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