fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
