Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
