Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
