Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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