i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
