On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
