We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
