Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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