I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
