it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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