I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
