i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
