just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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