i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
