i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
