just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
