Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Randomize
