You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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