Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
