I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
