Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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