Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
